Back in my college days, we had a friend who was the constant target of our group’s teasing. You know how it is in your 20s—fun is the only motto, and we always had something funny to say or a leg to pull for no reason. We were always careful to stay civil—no vulgarity or personal hits—but we were relentless.
My friend wasn’t great at countering us. They would get defensive or reactive, which, of course, only made us want to tease them more. I remember once they said, “Dude, I am planning to join the gym from next week,” and I immediately shot back, “Good move! Anyway, Arnold Schwarzenegger just retired, and you’d really fill in his shoes.” We all had a laugh, and our friend just looked frustrated.
At that age, we didn’t realize that their frustration was actually our “fuel.” We weren’t being mean-spirited, but we were definitely playing a game where the goal was to get a reaction.
The Turning Point
One day, we were all hanging out at my house. My dad walked in, and my friend jokingly complained to him that we were always pulling their leg. My dad just smiled and said, “This is the age you all will be like this, just enjoy it,” and he left the room.
But later, as we were heading out to get our bikes, my dad called my friend aside. They spoke privately for a few minutes. We didn’t know what was said at the time, but over the next few weeks, I noticed something strange.
Our interest in teasing this friend started to fade. It wasn’t that we had a meeting and decided to stop; we just… lost the urge. I put on my “how” cap and started observing.
Earlier, when we teased them, they would say “Shut up” or “Why are you always picking on me?” But now, the responses had changed. If we said, “I heard your mom said you’re skipping breakfast because you’re too busy with your million-dollar business plan,” they wouldn’t get annoyed. Instead, they’d say:
“Yes, exactly! The plan is so complex I’m actually in touch with Bill Gates right now to get the final bugs fixed.”
By accepting our comment and even exaggerating it, they took all the “power” out of the joke. There was nothing left for us to push against. When I finally asked where they learned this trick, they told me it was from that private chat with my dad. He had told them: “Don’t defend or reject the comments. Accept it when they say something, add more to it, and they will keep quiet. The more you react, the more people take advantage.”
Why This is a Powerful Management Lesson
That moment stayed with me for years. Now, in my professional life, I realize my dad wasn’t just giving social advice; he was teaching a masterclass in Human-Centric Leadership. When we transition from being reactive to being accepting, we change the entire dynamic of a conversation.
I’ve started to implement this in my professional journey, and it has completely changed how I deal with stakeholders and team members. Here is how that college lesson translates to the boardroom:
1. Handling the “Skeptical” Stakeholder
In my early management days, if a senior leader questioned my project timeline by saying, “This seems like a very optimistic plan,” I would immediately get defensive. I’d start listing all the hours we worked and why they were wrong to doubt us. This usually led to a long, exhausting argument.
Now, I use my friend’s trick. I acknowledge and amplify.
- The Response: “You’re absolutely right, it is an incredibly optimistic plan. In fact, we’ve designed it to be so aggressive that even if we hit 80% of our targets, we will still outperform last year’s entire Q4 results.” By agreeing, the “attack” vanishes. The stakeholder feels heard, and I stay in control of the narrative.
2. Becoming a “Stronger” Listener
This was the most unexpected benefit. To “add more” to a comment, you have to truly listen to what the other person is saying. You can’t just wait for your turn to speak. You have to hear the subtext.
- When someone says, “I feel like this team is always in meetings,” a reactive leader says, “Meetings are necessary!”
- A listening leader says, “I agree, we are becoming ‘meeting champions’ lately. Since we’re so good at them, let’s see which three we can cancel this week to prove we can work even faster.” This helped me become a good listener because I stopped preparing my defense while others were talking and started looking for the “hook” to acknowledge.
3. Neutralizing Workplace “Micro-Aggressions”
In any office, there’s always a bit of “leg-pulling” or passive-aggressive comments. If someone says, “Oh, look who’s finally finished their ‘deep work’ session and joined the real world,” getting angry makes you look stressed.
- The Trick: “I know, right? The ‘deep work’ was so deep I almost forgot what the office coffee tasted like. Good to be back!” When you don’t reject the comment, people realize they can’t “get to you.” You become a stronger presence in the room.
Practical Takeaways for Your Leadership Journey
If you want to implement this in your own career, keep these four points in mind:
- Acceptance is not Agreement: You aren’t saying the person is “right” in a factual sense; you are acknowledging their perspective. This stops the “power struggle” loop immediately.
- The “Mirror” Effect: When you stop being defensive, the other person often realizes how their comment sounds. If you amplify a joke, it often highlights how silly the joke was in the first place, without you having to say a word.
- Building Psychological Safety: When a leader can take a “hit” or a joke and roll with it, the team feels safer. They see that you aren’t ruled by your ego, which encourages them to be more honest with you.
- Energy Management: Defending takes an incredible amount of emotional energy. Accepting and moving on saves that energy for things that actually matter—like solving the problem at hand.
Conclusion
That two-minute conversation between my dad and my friend was a seed that took years to fully grow in my mind. Today, I see “Accepting and Acknowledging” as a prime manner to handle any conversation. It has made me a more composed leader, a more attentive listener, and a stronger individual.
The next time someone tries to pull your leg—whether it’s a friend at a cafe or a colleague in a high-stakes meeting—remember: Don’t push back. Lean in. You’ll be surprised at how quickly the room goes quiet when there’s no resistance to fight against.
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